What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
