but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
