Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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