It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
