Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
