dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
