Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
