By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
