I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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