I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
