Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
