i just wanna soil my oats bro
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
