i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I believe in your delicious
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
