Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
