saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks