apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
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he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
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Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.