He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
