i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
