My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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