we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
