like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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