R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
