They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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