Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
and eventually we just all took our pants off
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
