I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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