I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
