I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
