his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
