i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
