so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
