I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
