I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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