Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
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Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
two words...techno handjob
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
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I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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