Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
