Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
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If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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