they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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