Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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