For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
