Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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