so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
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He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
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Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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