You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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