Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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