Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
