You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
