I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize