i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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