I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
