come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
how drunk are you?
Several
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
