it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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