where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Four minutes until I can fart!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
