Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
