it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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