i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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