if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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