the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
