Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.