i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
