I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
