I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
